Love.... All you need?

Love... 

That word holds so much emotion for me.... I've always craved love. I've always chased love... mainly in all the wrong places and for sure from all the wrong people.... but yea I chased it. Oh, who am I kidding I still chase it... although it is definitely not the same now. I'm chasing it now from myself or maybe on any given day one of the 4 little monsters I gave birth to... Thats a long story.... 

So how did I figure out to start chasing myself for love... Well first I had to learn what love is... I mean yea you watch the Nicholas Sparks movies, or you have kids, or you get married (blech) but for me, I had to learn what LOVE is. 

How worthy am I of love? Well, my exes made me seem to not be very worthy at all.... Most days my kids make me feel not very worthy either. My mom, well she loves me and my grandbaby oh she loves me. How much did they love me though... Would they die for me? My mom would probably die for me. My mom has been through a lot of shit with me though and there is no way I would ever let her.  

So I started thinking about those that I love... would I die for them? I would absolutely in a heartbeat die for my kids, my mom, my brother, my grandkids. 

All of my kids have issues of different kinds. Some struggle with addiction, two have anxiety disorders, all have depression, would I die to see their lives changed? 

I can without a doubt yes! God, I would give anything to see my kids lives start going better for them. Especially if it meant to show them Jesus. See my kids were raised in the church but then our church kind of broke apart.... we did not have a church home anymore..... That kind of broke me which means that it broke them.... away from Jesus. Talk about guilt.... 

Then I started thinking about Love and how much I love my family... and how little I feel loved.... then I realized... He loves Me that much.... He would die to see MY life changed. So I am making a conscious decision to say yes back. I am saying yes to receiving forgiveness and choosing HIS way instead of mine. When He died, he proved how much he wants us. 

John 3:16 says For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 

I'm hoping to accomplish in this 365 days to show my kids that God is LOVE and as long as you have His love and you love Him back that you have all you need. I am hoping that I can be love, show love to all and in the midst of all that learn to truly LOVE myself...

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